It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
