he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
