He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sext me about skeletons
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
