Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
