the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
