I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
