We tried having a conversation with our noses.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize