I'm lost and stupid without you.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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