Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
