he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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