My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
