I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
