Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
