I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
