I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize