I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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