So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
