You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
