My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
