We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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