She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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