I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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