He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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