Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He is an equal opportunity slut.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize