he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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