he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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