If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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