Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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