Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
