No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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