first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
