he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
