You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize