I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
