We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
