hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
