do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
