At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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