How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
