my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
