I want to make a zoo with you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
