Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We're too hungover to prance.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
