so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
