i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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