Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
