maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
