You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize