I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
