I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
