My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
