Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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