I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
