Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's always time for handjobs
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
