My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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