bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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