She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize