one might say we're banned from that church
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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