i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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