Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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