birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
