Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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