I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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