Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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