I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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