I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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