3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
