What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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