sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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