i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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