So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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