i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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