make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize