We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
