sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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