and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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