Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
