Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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