5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
