he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
