so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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