His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
