If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How does one acquire holy water?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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