Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize