I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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