Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just gift wrapped bread.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
