I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i can't believe i had my finger in that
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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