as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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