I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
