Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
