What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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