what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
