Can i not drive my cunt home
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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