I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
