Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
