Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
