Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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