You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
