How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
