so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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