I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
