White coat. Heels.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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