What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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