There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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