Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
