This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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