I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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