I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
