Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
