If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
