Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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